10 days after my birthday: End of another day

putting aside my note
tho notes r in front of me
yet i've lost my mood, my motivation to study

the feeling is juz like
Death is very near yet we do nothing but wait on the same spot
wil i fall this time?

I'm sorry i hav to end the long injuring moments
its sad to know when u realized u chose the wrong one from the begining
it juz make feel so sorry, guilty of what i can say
yet no choice but to find a stupid reason to release you
it din last long tho
still it;s after my birthday that i had wished for long ago of which it never come true before

i never teared for someone ever since she left
yet i thank you for accompanied me all the while
of which reminds me of the one i used to be
but i'm juz too weak to return to the one i used to b
coz i never dare to do so
i had no choice coz i think this is the only way i can do, in order to b fair
guess i'm nervous enuf to tear at this moment after a while

yet u did things i told you not to
n i don like to b controlled
i hate ppl for not believing in me

but sorry
it comes to an end, i;m not the one u;re looking for.

as for my study, i think the strength has come back
to fall to the lowest point, in order to raise til the highest point.

end of another day: a bad dinner

day by days
life's always a short cycle
a boring life at most time

bad dinners like wrecked my days
a quiet dinner would hav b a better one i don seems deserve to hav it these days

afterall, trouble visit like a friend
makes me feel kinda tired to this boring world

somehow, i don dare to step forward knowing what's gonna happen nx
i guess i;m a coward to facing my own life
i dont know how long i can stand for it, o even if my life is long enuf for everything

up n dlwn of my life
who knows life's ending soon?
if it really end, juz let me rest then, i had enough of this world
juz like the death note phrase, no matter how a man is gifted, a man cannot change the world

i always wanted to make things better but end up things r screwed up for watever reasons
end up kinda disappointing tho
as if another riddle in life which not meant to b solved

i can;t stand for little impact
especially from my family that i'm very sensitive with

being a perfectionist is so tough
as things hardly comes in perfect pieces

guess i;m juz tired
yet juz another day to express my stress here


i hate raining days.
if i hav to say my last words to this world
i would juz say, Let it be.

my 21st birthday -.-

i beliv quite a lot of ppl do celebrate their 21st birthday
for me i celebrate earlier as my birthday is going to crash wif my class in the coming wednesday
(for some excuses i can receive my present earlier :P lol)

at 1st i was wandering my mind going to celebrate my birthday o not
coz i was scare of high incurred cost to spent for a night
as wif the same amount of $$$ i could hav spend it elsewhere

end up i called up all my friends to attend my party
in my home while i doing most of the things ONE MAN SHOW
n operating my very one REAL LIFE ''Restaurant City'' for working non stop serving everywhere
got my dad's old sch TECHNIC hi-fi set up, measuring the temperature to ensure the comfort of my guests, looking for the population of the lizards to terminate, ordering food n prepare lots of things as well

n got my very own creative gundam birthday cake
(cake baked by my bro)

i received car parts, toys(gundam, toy car), clothes, underwear(must b the gang i know), phone strap n even wines(again -.-)

thanx for all friends who attend my party for me to serve you all once in a life time(maybe)
n sorry for those who can;t make it to my party

total spent

food: pizza junction food: 300. home curry + fried stuff + salad 250
drink: box drink 70, wine 200
rental of chairs n table: sponsored by friend
other misc cost: forgot adi -.-

serian convoy trip

an event i accidentally attend invited by satria neo club
here r some pictures to share around

lol, the neo members hav a good shot on this

we went to fill up our tank on the half way

the organizer, kenny

cold eyes, cold hands

sore throat, toothache, stress in soul
all come in 1 shot
knew i shouldn't take those western food
knew i should've took more sleep
knew i should juz leave my car there not to wash o do anything but drive

i din change anything in the end
yet juz another normal boring day

i always tried to cheer up ppl who i care so much, to appreciate today, hope for a better tomorrow
yet i myself i din do much
i don hav hope for tomorrow
everyday is juz like last day
while treating everyday the last day, things is odd, simple as common

tho i never giv up in life
i tried my very best for my ONLY life
yet stil not as expected
i lost my time nothing more, but wasted

somehow, self pressure too much isn;t a good thing
demotivation, my soul is tired
even if everyday there;s new things
suprises stil make life bored
wow, i've never seen this b4, so what? everyday i can juz take it like breakfast nth much
perhaps i;m impatient, i waited for thing i wished, end up, i don see anything special around
mind juz got frozen then, nth much that touch my mind

exam is pushing near
i canlt even flip a page of note to read but expressing my mind here other than juz knowledge

or even somethings that comes nearer
not the making magic
but my birthday -.-(yea~ i wan presents~~~~)
so? if u ask me what i wan/? sorry i don really know, from heart, if there;s anything that revive my hope to this world?
it juz make me down
clocking my age at 21 yet do nothing much

some of my friends may know bout what happened recently which related to me
for me, life is more important, losses stil can covered for the time being
n lucky enuf no life was incurred in the incident

ppl who r not reponsible wif their words, r always annoying
it juz feel so meaningless

n why is my soul being so stress
i need rest yet exam is coming soon
o is this really my life?
things juz get complicated b trouble visit like a friend whenever i got my things solve
i hate nightmare especially ppl who try to raise nightmare to me