sky;s down, hell's up

hell if i know where my precious stamp collection books r
only found 2 which r not that valuable
damn i juz can;t remember where i hav kept them

what makes me frutrated from the begining starts from cleaning my room
i really hope i hav a big box like a fridge for me to throw everything in

part of my life being spoiled
much worse than b4

of what i;ve studied
doesn;t seems to b usefu, worth for me to perform for what i know n experienced
i'm down
juz bcoz my own family don beliv in me at all
i tried help them, o even i tried to pay back for what they credit to me
in the end
the dream juz stuck
the baby seems hard to born to this world
o worse it never happen but an illusion

i tried so hard, which may not b the smartest way
i dono y iz things getting worse n worse
it[s not the life i wan
somehow i feel like pushing restart button for a new life
but god said it cant ever b true even in his world

i tried to kept things perfect
yet the devils n cousin demons kept on making this world dirty
that spoiled every single moment of dream i wanted to b

worthless life
for me
i hav no value
i lost too much
i rather giv up study
o rather giv up this miserable life
it don seems worth for me to do anything anymore

there's no hope in the end of the tunnel
yet i used to it
o even smiled n laughed by the past days
til i can't hold my tears anymore
i'm weak

heart's bleeding wif the tears fall
the tears which din fall for more than a year

felt so hopeless to this world
how long can this really last
even in non-human logic mind
r/ship has nothing important
hobbies has nothing
world meanstto doom

what r we trying to do
o even what r we living for

i lost
my dreams, my ambitions
dream fall but thou shall rise
yet it never sparks at all

this totalled black out

yet
god tries to tell me the same old story
chips n stones may make u fall down
but a mountain o hill wont as u can see them clearer than tiny chips

memory may b ended in the nx moments
but i still appreciate
for what i can stil feel around
yet i wont wan others to suffer in the same way i m now

beautiful lies
what a meaningless world
that makes my eyes keeps on cheating me
heart;s dying

i hope i can source a remedy b4 the world ends